would be so much easier if I didn’t care. If I didn’t care about grades, friends, school, myself, you. Life would be so much easier if I could just let go. Those people who don’t care? Yeah, you know who they are. The major potheads who just spend their days smoking their pain away? They’re happy because they just DON’T GIVE A FUCK. However many times I say that I don’t give a fuck, I do. I give a lot of fucks. No matter how much I wish I didn’t, I push myself. I care. I can’t just not care. I can’t just sit here and do nothing. I have motivation, but what is my motivation for? What does it matter? I’m not happy. I’m not the girl you think I am. I’m not the smiling, put together female who you see. Yes, I may be that person when I’m around people, but I think that when you’re alone is who you really are. Your spirit comes out when you’re by yourself, and when I’m by myself, I just lose it


Oh Hayyyy!

Oh hayyy everybody! So lately things have been kinda boring, and I think I need to spice up my look a little bit. So I'm changing my wardrobe... that's right, CHANGING it. It's gonna be great. I'm also excited, because it's SOMEBODY'S birthday tomorrow! And by somebody, I mean me. Oh yes, be terrified. I'm turning fifteen. Look out, world, here I come.
So anyways, I've been getting into Tumblr a lot more, which is kind of stupid, but I kinda like it because I can put my thoughts and feelings out there in the way of like pictures and music and videos as opposed to just words like on here. But don't worry, faithful readers, I won't be leaving you any time soon!
I know there's not many of you, but for those of you who actually DO read my blog, it means the world to me. Seriously. Lady Gaga always calls her fans little Monsters, but I think I'm gonna call you guys little Accepters. You're all so accepting!
Well... maybe I'll pass on that name... but anyways, I love you all.


Fuck You.

Fuck you, seriously, fuck you.
I cried over you, I hurt myself over you, and you just gave up on me.
So fuck you.
I wanted you. I was nice to you. I gave you everything. You just used me.
So fuck you.
Got that?
Fuck you.
I want nothing to do with you anymore.


So what's up with us? Am I supposed to just forget what we had? Am I supposed to forget the sweet things you said? Pretend that it never happened?
Am I supposed to forget that moment when I let my guard down and was vulnerable? Am I supposed to forget the moment that I trusted you?
I didn't think so.
So tell me the truth.


Untitled for now

A beautiful day
Makes the girls go out and play
A California sun ray
Makes the pain go away

We dance in the light
Until day becomes night
She knows he's the right,
Her shiny armored knight

A touch, a word
A laugh, or a kiss
Upon his sword,
You don't wanna miss
The chance to be
His very own queen
To be his queen
Of everything

The sunshiney home
A girl all alone
Not free to go roam,
So she calls on the phone

To be continued -_-


I Want

"Why don't you ask me out already? It's not like I'm going to say no." -Nora Latorraca
I feel it. Do you? I don't know a lot of things, but I do know that if we tried, we could make it work. I know I've been kind of a slut in the past, I know I'm not your usual type, but I KNOW that we have something. We could have something. I know that if you take a chance and give it to me, I won't let you down. I won't hurt you. I will make you happy. I don't wanna be the girl that's considered "easy" or a "slut" anymore. I want you, and I don't want anybody else. There's a difference between liking someone and knowing that someone has potential. I know you have potential. Please take a chance on me. I want that so bad. "You can't find someone without putting yourself out there. That is why love and relationships suck... because you are constantly vulnerable... so I guess what's important is finding someone for whom the vulnerability is worth." -Sasha Bates. I've been vulnerable too many times. I've been hurt too many times. I've put myself out there too many times, but that doesn't mean it wasn't work it. Sure I've had a lot of hook ups and break ups, but that doesn't mean that I can't want someone. I've been boy fasting lately, and it's made me realize that I don't have to jump on every guy that asks me out. Trust me, plenty have during this time. I don't have to be that girl. I don't have to settle for just "liking" someone. I can dare to actually WANT somebody. I can choose. I can choose, and I choose you. Seriously. You invade my dreams every night, and I say your name in my sleep. I know you're confused, I know you're not ready, but I'm here. I'll always be here. Please, please, don't say no. Give me a shot. "If you change your mind, I'm the first in line, honey I'm still free, take a chance on me..."



Random Ass Haikus.

Tumblr is stupid
And so I do this instead
Don't cut me, emos.

I hate boys a lot
They need to make up their minds
Making me fall hard

I hoped you were him
My knight in shining armor
My hopes were SO wrong

You made me think you
Were the one who would save me
But then you left me

I wish things were right
Between us but they are not
Stupid. Shoulda known.

You played me like bass,
Easily, and very well
I am not a bass

Another perhaps
Will make the pain go away
But it is not you



I followed you today
Followed you to the edge
I think you're getting tired
Tired, so tired of me

Your kindness is overpowering,
Sometimes hard for me to handle
So when I say otherwise
Know it's me, not you

The days are getting longer
But my heart is still lost
I don't want to push you
Until you fall from me

I don't know how to feel
I don't know what to say
Because I never wanna lose you
Or even question that you'll stay

I miss you more and more
With every step you take
Which is why I follow you
I followed you today

Cold Hands

Hey, loves!! I can't believe I haven't blogged in so long. Gosh. Shame on me. Well anyways, I have tons of stuff to post for y'all right now. Lot's of poems n such. So here's the first one, it's called Cold Hands. It's about James, which is kinda funny since he dumped me (yes, yes, poor me.) I wanted to share it with y'all though cuz I know we all have that person in our lives who we feel this way about :)
Alright, here we go...

Cold nights
Cold feet
Cold nights make me think of you

Darkness creeps
I'm trying to sleep
Winter nights make me want you

The frost on the window
The sleet on the street
Make me think of your warmth
And when you kiss me, the heat.
As the days begin to get long
And the seasons begin to change
I know our love will go on
Like a familiar song, you'll never be a strange...er


it's Tasha
Envy: Didn't you hear? Todd's vegan."
Todd: "It's really not that big of a deal..."
Scott: "Not really. I mean, anyone can be vegan."
Todd: "Ovo-lacto-vegetarian, maybe."
Scott: "Ovo what?"
Todd: "I partake in not the meat, nor the breastmilk, nor the ovum of any creature with a face."
Envy: "Short answer, being vegan makes you better than other people."


Sidonie's Playlist (November 2010!)

Sorry I haven't done these in a while!!

Title: Not Like the Movies
Artist: Katy Perry
Favorite Lyric: "He put it on me, I put it on like there was nothing wrong, it didn't fit, it wasn't right, wasn't just the size. They say you know when you know, I don't know..."

Title: Gray or Blue
Artist: JayMay
Favorite Lyric: "Are you too nervous to be lovers? Friendship's ruined with just one kiss..."

Title: Jar of Hearts
Artist: Christina Perri
Favorite Lyric: "I wished that I had missed the first time that we kissed cuz you broke all of your promises..."

Title: Pitter-Pat
Artist: Erin McCarley
Favorite Lyric: "Pain takes my heart's place..."

Title: Rhythm of Love
Artist: Plain White Tee's
Favorite Lyric: "my head is stuck in the clouds, she begs me to come down, says 'boy, quit foolin around!'"

Title: Undisclosed Desires
Artist: Muse
Favorite Lyric: "I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask..."

Title: Karma Police
Artist: Radiohead
Favorite Lyric: "That's what you get when you mess with us."

Title: Dog Days Are Over
Artist: Florence + The Machine
Favorite Lyric: "Leave all your lovin', your lovin' behind, you can't carry it with you if you wanna survive..."

Title: For Those Who Wait
Artist: Fireflight
Favorite Lyric: "So we sing our lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight..."

Title: Deuces
Artist: Chris Brown
Favorite Lyric: "I'm a DICK so it shouldn't be that hard to swallow..."

Title: Already Taken
Artist: Trey Songz
Favorite Lyric: "She don't care about going to the strip club, she wanna go too..."



I admit I cried once a week when Aaron and I were together. I admit I cried when Alex stopped loving me. I admit I cried when Ben and Jacob both rejected me in the same week. I admit I cried the first time Bruno and I had a fight. I admit I cried when Dominick told me he didn't wanna go out with me. I admit I cried when I realized Jak wasn't happy with our relationship... but never, ever in my life have I cried and hurt so much as 6 months ago on New Years. Never in my life have I cried so much over one person. That was the worst day of my life. And boy, 6 months seems like a fuckin long time when it still hurts like it happened yesterday.