Salad Fingers part 1

Okay so I have to do these in little sections, otherwise it will just kill my soul to do them all at once.


Episode one- Spoons:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3iOROuTuMA&list=SL
This episode is about 2 minutes long. In the beginning, Salad Fingers is introduced to us and he talks about how he really likes rusty spoons. He says that the feeling of rust against his salad fingers is almost orgasmic. So SF (Salad Fingers) walks around this creepy-ass town and finds a house. He rings the doorbell and strokes the metal on it, and a little kid opens the door. SF asks the child about their spoons. The kid leads SF into the house and brings him to the kitchen. SF yet again asks about the spoons, and the kid screeches something that we cannot understand. Then SF says, "I see. Then I must leave. But first I'd like to stroke this rusty kettle."
What does this mean? I think that this introduction is good. It tells us that Salad Fingers is looking for something more in his life than what he has. In my head, I keep making the connection of SF to Lennie from Of Mice and Men. Lennie really likes to touch soft things, and Salad Fingers really likes to touch rusty things. They have the same childish ignorance to them, yet SF seems to have a deeper issue than Lennie does.

Episode 2- Friends:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuCw5k-Lph0&list=SL&playnext=1
This episode is about 4 minutes long. In the beginning, Salad Fingers tells us that he's having a get-together with his friends. Now, by this time, you might be thinking, "Oh shit. What are his friends going to be like? This dude is pretty screwed up already!" I must admit, I was thoroughly surprised when SF lifted his hand and had finger puppets on it. He introduces us to his finger puppet friends (Hubert Cumberdale, Marjory Stewart-Baxter and Jeremy Fisher.) The camera pans in on SF's mouth with him salivating and smacking his lips. He then wonders aloud what his friends taste like. He tastes Marjory and thinks she tastes yummy, and then makes a disgusted face when he tastes Hubert. He does not, however taste Jeremy. SF then says that he has a fish in the oven if anyone is interested, and then starts to speak a language that I don't recognize just from listening to it a few times (if anyone knows that it was or what that SF said or what it means, please let me know.) The scene changes. A man is walking by SF's house and he suddenly hears SF whining, "help... help me..." The man goes into Salad Fingers' house TERRIFIED looking. The dude finds SF in the kitchen in the dark and SF tells him that the fish that he is cooking is in the back of the oven and he can't get it out. The man goes to the oven to get the fish out and SF is holding the door to the oven open. SF spots a sharp hook on the wall and lets the door to the oven close. SF strokes the hook and pierces his finger with it. He then says, "I like it when the red water comes out" and faints. The scene changes again to Salad Fingers in a meat locker singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow and stroking the meat. Hubert Cumberdale suddenly appears in not finger puppet form and scarily screeches words that we can't understand. SF ignores Hubert and strokes his head with a rusty spoon. Hubert disappears and SF walks over to a piece of meat on a bloody hook and strokes the hook with his finger. The camera gets fuzzy and colorful and we can see SF spinning around all wobbly. We're back in his kitchen and SF says that he must have dozed off. The camera zooms out and we see SF sitting in a large puddle of blood. Salad Fingers sniffs and says something about the fish being done, and then we see the oven smoking.
What does this mean? I'm not quite sure. I think that from this episode we get the first hints of wondering if Salad Fingers is gay. With Salad Fingers eating his friends that HE created, I feel like this symbolizes insecurity and discomfort. I must bring up the point that Salad Fingers doesn't taste Jeremy Fisher. Why is this relevant? Because Jeremy Fisher is SF's black friend. Subtle hints of racism? Maybe. Maybe not. I feel like Salad Fingers speaking another language has severe importance to my analysis on this episode, but at this time since I don't know what he said, I'll have to come back to that point. When Salad Fingers closes the oven door on the dude who is trying to help him, I think that SF was truly trying to be helpful and hold the door for him! I don't think that SF is this malicious killer who loves blood and murder. He said himself that he likes blood, but he doesn't understand what blood is. He thinks it's red water! The meat locker scene is where I feel like there are hints of homosexuality brewing. It's cold, Salad Fingers is singing a happy song and doing things that he really likes to do (touch meat, touch hooks, look at blood, etc.) Hubert Cumberdale suddenly appears and they share this intimate moment where Salad Fingers strokes HC with a spoon (which we already know he loves from Episode 1- Spoons.) After the meat locker scene, Salad Fingers wakes up from what he thinks was sleep, but was obviously fainting from loss of blood. This is confirmed when we see him sitting in a puddle of his own blood.

Episode 3- Nettles:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojoICRzSCOo&list=SL&playnext=2
This episode is about 3 minutes long. In the beginning, we see Salad Fingers in a wasteland holding nettles. He says that he has been enjoying the pleasures of them. SF walks over to a baby carriage and says that he is going to call it a nettle carrier. Salad Fingers then puts nettles in the carrier and walks away. We then see a man with no arms and an apron that says "BBQ" get angry, turn red and run after Salad Fingers. The scene changes. We see Salad Finger's house, then the no armed man, and then Salad Fingers inside of his home sitting with his shirt off in the corner. Salad Fingers rubs the nettles on his nipples and some white stuff comes out. Salad Fingers makes a face like he's having an orgasm and says, "oh.. it seems as though nettles make the milk drop out of my teat." We see the no armed man outside of SF's window really angry and then we see SF in the corner again. He says that the nettles make him think happy times. There is a flashback to Salad Fingers and Hubert Cumberdale in salon chairs with blow dryers over their heads. We come back from the flashback and the no armed man hits his head on the door to SF's house trying to get in. He starts to bleed but keeps hitting his head. He finally faints and SF comes outside wondering what is going on. SF asks the dead man what his name is and when he doesn't respond, SF gives him the name Milford Cubicle. Salad Fingers welcomes Milford inside, and drags him along with blood streaming out from his head when MC doesn't respond. SF places MC on a hook in his house and asks if he is comfortable. Salad Fingers then starts to play the flute...
What does this mean? Well, first of all, I think that "Milford Cubicle" or the no armed man was the father of whatever baby belonged in the "nettle carrier" or baby carriage. I think this because the stereotype for fatherly men is for them to be macho and hard-headed when it comes to their kids, and so Milford's BBQ apron makes me think that he is the father. We again see how Salad Fingers enjoys torturing himself. He gets pleasure from pain as we see in the scene where the milk comes from his nipple. And ah, here is more homosexual hinting! Salad Fingers' "happy time" has to do with HUBERT CUMBERDALE. The stereotype for gay men is to do things that women do. Often, women go to the salon to get their hair done. This is what Salad Fingers and Hubert were doing together. Coincidence? Sidonie thinks not. When SF brings Milford inside of his home, he doesn't realize that Milford is dead. This shows the ignorance of Salad Fingers and the desire he has for companionship. He also then asks Milford if the hook in his back in comfortable, as if it would be for SF. Pleasure from pain again.

Episode 4- Cage:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBNrtrntkJ4
This episode is about 5 and a half minutes long. In the beginning, we find Salad Fingers talking about how we was going to find France. SF looks and sees a little alien-like looking boy staring at him. SF says that the boy had been watching him for a while and that he would find France another day. Salad Fingers starts to walk away, and suddenly the kid appears in front of him. The kid looks at SF and has hearts around his head. He then says something that we can't understand and Salad Fingers FREAKS OUT. He starts stuttering and looks confused and panicked. SF puts his hand out to stop the boy from coming any closer and the boy licks him! The kid says something that sounds (in my ears) like, "I love you," and SF gets even more panicked. The scene changes and we see Salad Fingers' house, and then inside of SF's house, a bug crawls out of the wall. Salad Fingers appears and says, "Hello Bordois... I've been thinking about you... what have you been gathering today, little sister? ...really? Oh... your body is so much FUN. I just want to give you a big stroke." SF lifts up his finger and crushes the bug. He then gets mad and talks about how his little sister got flat and gooey and how he wouldn't play with her anymore until she had a bath. There is knock on the door. SF opens it and finds the tap part of a sink on the ground with a string tied to it. He walks outside and the tap gets pulled away. Naturally, SF follows it into the woods. In the woods, SF steps on a bear trap and faints (from his blood loss thing again like in episode 2). The scene changes and we see SF in a cage. SF notices the rusty poles in the cage and rubs his hands all over them like he's giving a hand job. The little kid then comes over and blows a kiss at SF. He then asks SF to marry him and SF doesn't like it. He freaks out and says he doesn't like the game and wants to go home. The kid gets mad and then sad when Salad Fingers actually disappears. "The kid cries out of his one abnormally large eye" -James Reynes
What does this mean? Not much. I think that from this episode we learn 2 important things. One, that Salad Fingers was so used to being alone and so used to having things go his way because he made everything up in his head, that once he begins to have real interactions with real people, it freaks him out. Two, he might have molested his younger sister. When he says "your body is so fun," what else could that mean metaphorically? Oh, also, the fact that the kid who likes SF is a boy. COINCIDENCE? Sidonie thinks not! Definitely more homosexuality references.

Writer's Cock. Oh, wait...

So lately I've been having really intense Writer's Block, which is why I haven't been blogging. Also I have finals this week so I've generally been kinda busy. I haven't been meaning to neglect you, faithful readers, I promise!
So I feel like right now there's a lot that I should be telling you. Recently Dominick Mortarotti, who also has a blog (I believe) and is actually like my best friend EVER (my new Caleb, haha) showed me these videos on YouTube called Salad Fingers.
WARNING: Do not keep reading if you are faint of heart! These videos are creepy as hell!
So anyways, I think I might do a review and commentary on each of the Salad Fingers episodes because they just affected me so deeply... you'll see why later on.
Also, regarding Dominick, he gave me a book to read called The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life (Volume I) by Drunvalo Melchizedek. That's a mouth full! (Heehee... insert sexual innuendo here.) I haven't actually started the book yet, but I probably will tonight. It talks a lot about human consciousness and our physical being. Because of Dominick, for the past few months I've been really starting to get into these kinds of things. In fact, last night I went outside in the pouring rain in the dark and meditated. It was pretty awesome. I felt really in touch with myself and my body and my inner spirit. I know I may sound crazy to a lot of you, but I don't care...
Okay, I'll talk to you later after I'm done watching Salad Fingers again. YEAAHHH, YAY FOR BEING CREEPED OUT AS FUCK!! WHOO!!
xoxo

Drowning deep in my sea of loathing...

I'm so tired of all of the fake bitches out there who think they're so cool by posting pix of them doing stupid shit on Facebook. Don't you know that what goes on Facebook stays on Facebook FOREVER? Your future schools, future employers, parents, future significant others' can look at that shit and see how fake and dumb you are? I'm especially tired of those girls who are completely straight but post pictures of them kissing other girls in a sexual way? That's okay if you're a pornstar, not if you're a regular person. You're giving females a bad name and you look trashy as shit. Also, it's kind of... oh idk, ILLEGAL to be smoking or drinking as a minor? Anyone who hates you enough could majorly fuck your life by showing the police pix of you with bottles of alcohol that YOU were dumb enough to take and post on Facebook-- a public website. Just saying.
I hate that people ENCOURAGE this behavior too! THIS PISSES ME OFF MORE THAN ANYTHING.
I seriously can't even describe how angry I am.

Ke$ha never ceases to amaze me

November 22, 2010. Ke$ha's new album came out, and, well, it's amazing to say the least. One song in particular pulled one of my heart strings. The Harold Song...
(This is not an official video, it's fan-made)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKdKMlW-ykI


I Miss Your Soft Lips,
I Miss Your White Sheets.
I Miss The Scratch Of Your unShaved Face On My Cheek.
And this is so hard,
Cuz I didn't see,
That you were the love of my life and it kills me.
I see your face in, strangers on the street.
I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep.
And in the limelight, I play it off fine.
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.

But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.

They say that true love hurts,
Well this could almost kill me. Young love murdered,
That is what this must be.
I would give it all,
To not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me,
While you watch my heart bleed. Young love murdered, that is what this this must be.
And I would give is all,
To not be sleeping alone.

Remember the time we jumped the fence when the Stones were playing and we were to broke to get in.
You held my hand and they made me cry while
I swear to God that it was the best night of my life.
Or when you took me, across the world,
We promised this would last forever but now I see.
It was my past life.
A beautiful time.
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise. Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.

They say that true love hurts,
Well this could almost kill me. Young love murdered,
That is what this must be.
And I would give it all,
To not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me,
While you watch my heart bleed. Young love murdered,
That is what this this must be.
And I would give is all,
To not be sleeping alone.

It was the past life.
A beautiful time.
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.

They say that true love hurts,
Well this could almost kill me. Young love murdered, that is what this must be.
And I would give it all, to not be sleeping alone. The life is fading from me, while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murdered, that is what this this must be.
And I would give is all, to not be sleeping alone...





This song like... kills me. It... just kinda hurts to listen to, ya know? It's one of those songs that captures perfectly how I feel about my past, and even though I hadn't cried over this one thing in so so long, as soon as I heard the 30 second snipit of The Harold Song on iTunes, I was bawling. My reaction:
Tears streaming down my cheeks, eyes red and puffy, heart racing, mind racing, thinking "Holy shit, fuck you! How could you do this to me?"
Which brings me to another song, er, line of a song that I will go into another time...

Anyways, if anyone else feels this way about The Harold Song, please please let me know. If anyone else had a reaction such as mine, I wanna hear about it.

Sidonie's Playlist (December 2010!)

Title: Grow A Pear
Artist: Ke$ha
Favorite Lyric: "And no... I don't wanna see your mangina..."

Title: Cannibal
Artist: Ke$ha
Favorite Lyric: "I think you're hot, I think you're cool, you're the kind of guy I'd stalk in school but now that I'm famous you're up my anus, NOW I'M GONNA EAT YOU FOOL! I eat boys up, breakfast and lunch, then when I'm thirsty I drink their blood, carnivore animal, I am a cannibal, I eat boys up... you better run..."

Title: 9 Crimes
Artist: Damien Rice
Favorite Lyric: "And is that all right? No..."

Title: Laughing With
Artist: Regina Spektor
Favorite Lyric: "God could be funny when told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way and when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus... God can be so hilarious..."

Title: Eet
Artist: Regina Spektor
Favorite Lyric: "It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song, you can't believe it, you were always singing along..."

Title: You Could Be Happy
Artist: Snow Patrol
Favorite Lyric: "You could be happy, I hope you are."

Title: Transatlanticism
Artist: Death Cab For Cutie
Favorite Lyric: "I need you so much closer..."

Title: Goodnight and Go
Artist: Imogen Heap
Favorite Lyric: (none that really stand out to me)

Title: We Intertwined
Artist: The Hush Sound
Favorite Lyric: "Carry a blanket, maybe a basket, but that's it. Innocence wasn't key, always locked up never free until you turned me..."

A Moment of Love Between a Laugh, a Kiss, a Cry to Right a Wrong... A Moment...

Sidonie Osborne
Ms. Souza
English I, Period 1
November 16, 2010


“As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment.” -Of Mice and Men, chapter 5

In 8th grade, every argument with a friend seems more extreme than it is in reality. At my middle school, every year during the spring, the entire class would take a trip to a different environmental camp for 5 days. This trip was called “Outdoor Education” or “Outdoor Ed.” for short. A few weeks before my 8th grade Outdoor Ed. trip to Catalina Island, my best friend, Kevin, and I had gotten into an argument. This argument would soon ruin our friendship, as well as my friendship with the vast majority of the boys in my class of 38 students. Looking back, Kevin and my argument was indeed serious, but during Outdoor Ed, it got out of hand, which led one of the most horrifying moments of my life.
Kevin and I had not spoken in weeks, and I was already miserable because of it. Losing your best friend is never easy especially if you know deep down that it is your fault. I couldn’t stop thinking about Kevin. He and I had been close for years, and it hurt me so much knowing that I had hurt him. On the third day of Outdoor Ed, during one of our free times, I was spending time with my female best friends in their cabin, when one of our other friends comes in.
“Sidonie,” she says, “Kevin told me to tell you he wanted to talk to you. I think he’s going to say he isn’t mad at you anymore.”
Naturally, since Kevin and I had not spoken since our fight, I got excited and nervous all at once. Helen, my current best friend, turned to me and asked if I wanted her to come with me.
“No,” I said. “I have to do this on my own.”
I headed out of their cabin alone and walked the 50 yards or so to the middle of the boys’ camp site and the girls’ camp site. I saw Kevin and a small group of other boys from our class whom had once been my friends walking from their camp site. When Kevin and I stood face to face, he told me to sit, so I did. We both sat on the grass, while the group of boys stood behind Kevin and watched. It seemed like forever before he finally said,
“So…”
“So,” I replied. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Sidonie, I want to be friends again. I miss you so much and can’t believe that we’re not friends anymore,” Kevin said, seemingly sincere, while some of the boys behind him snickered.
“Really?” I asked. Forever seemed to pass again and I watched Kevin pull grass out of the ground.
“No,” said Kevin. He then continued to stand up, scream profanities at me, and walk away with the group of boys, laughing hysterically as I sat there alone.
My face turned red, my heart was raced, my eyes swelled with tears. I couldn’t breathe and it felt like forever before I finally stood up and walked back to my friends’ cabin; red eyed and in hysterics. As soon as I pushed the fabric door away and my friends saw me, they rushed to my side and held me as I cried in their shoulders. They kept asking what had happened, but I couldn’t get the words out. I felt betrayed, as well as obvious sadness and regret.
For the next few hours, I cried in the comforting arms of my friends. I couldn’t believe what had happened, and for weeks after the incident, I was in denial about it. This was one of the most scarring days of my life so far, and even to this day it hurts to think about this moment that seemed to last forever. However, it is moments like this that build character and have made me who I am today.

Talent

Katy Perry once said, "I believe that when talent meets preparation meets opportunity, you can breed success." I have so many friends (including myself) who have the talent and preparation part down, they just need the opportunity. I'm here to tell you all about my talented friends, and maybe if I feel like it, I'll post some of my talent on here sometime... I'll see. Anyways... here we go.

Name: Grace Wyman
How I know her: we went to elementary school together, and now we go to high school together
http://www.youtube.com/user/Gymnast29990

Name: Mbwana Blake
How I know him: we have history class together
http://www.youtube.com/user/BAYMAPPIN

Name: Point Of Interest
How I know them: we go to school together, the guitarist and the singer are my neighbors, I went to preschool with the bassist, I dated the drummer, and I'm just really close to the keyboardist. I'm also kinda their manager, so check them out.
http://www.youtube.com/user/POI2014
http://www.twitter.com/POI2014

Name: Mori Wexler
How I know him: best friends since 6th grade, we met at a dance
http://www.facebook.com/pages/RAM/189288837674

Shawty ima tell you this once you the illest...

Actually, yes, I am the illest. I'm at home sick :P I also stayed home yesterday which totally sucks because now I'm going to have a crapload of homework to make up... Yay! Actually it's not that bad, it's more the Spanish test that I have on Friday (tomorrow) that I'm stressing about. *sigh* I really dislike that class... a lot. I like the people in it, but I hate the actual class. It's just really stressful.
Anyways, I was going through my old blog posts and thought that I hadn't had any new posts for November yet, so I decided to make one! I think in a minute I'm gonna turn on my computer (even though I'm lightweight terrified that my teachers are gonna be hella creepin' on me)... heehee :) alright, lots of love!

Taste Theory

So I have this theory. I'm absolutely convinced that if two people are meant to be together, they will love the taste of each others' mouths when they kiss. If one is horribly repulsed by the taste of their partner's mouth, they should break up immediately. Now, one mustkiss this person at least 3 times (on different days) because it might just be that one time that it doesn't taste good or that it DOES taste good.
For example, one of my exes and I really liked the taste of each other's mouths (yeah I know it's weird we talked about that but that's just the type of people we are so suck it) and we were basically in love. Like things were great between us, and I still think we're meant to be together (although I'm prolly just trippin Pokeballs).
Another example is that I absolutely HATED the taste of my most recent exes mouth, and he and I broke up after a month of an epic failure as a relationship.
So folks, try it out for yourselves.

Spirit Week 2010

Not only is Bishop O'Dowd notorious for their amazing sports, but the other thing that O'Dowd is known for is Spirit Week. Spirit Week at BOD is like Spirit Week nowhere else. It is literally the bomb. Well, kind of. Every day, it's like an explosion of color and excited students running around and screaming and dancing and singing and taking photos and generally being awesome. So this year, Spirit Week has been a lot of fun. Here's some pix and stuff from the week..

Monday- Black & gold day
Tuesday- Class switch day
Wednesday- Decades day
Thursday- Class theme day
Friday- Class color day

Sh*t My Teachers Say

"Guys, look at me when I say this. Each month, a woman's body goes through extremely drastic changes. It would be like for a week every month preparing to have house guests come, but they don't ever end up coming. These changes can cause things like mood swings and discomfort that you DO NOT want to mess with. All of you will have to deal with a woman like this someday so the best thing you can say to a girl is... 'yes dear. How can I help?'" -Mr. Vitale

Adventure Time

Sidonie Osborne
Ms. Souza
English I, Period 1
September 2, 2010



It was the hottest day of the year. The students at Bishop O’Dowd high school were burnt, tired, and ready to go home. A group of students, however, were excited for the heat. When the clock struck 3, they would take the 682 to Piedmont Avenue and hang out. Unfortunately, Sidonie, one of the girls in the group, was not allowed to venture out on the bus even though she was in high school already. Sidonie was frustrated with her parents for this, but wouldn’t let the small dilemma ruin her day with her friends. At 3 o’clock, Sidonie was picked up by her mother and taken home (which just happened to be approximately 5 minutes away from the high school.) She told her friends that she would meet them after she was finished doing her homework.
After multiple phone calls and text messages from her friends, Sidonie went to Piedmont Avenue and met her O’Dowd buddies, along with a few other friends at Fentons. The group of ten scurried around the busy streets and ended up at Eby’s mom’s house. Eby was one of the girls in the group who was a year older than the rest of the teens. Eby’s mom wasn’t home, for Eby was residing with her dad at his house that week.
“Hey, Eby, can we break into your mom’s house?” inquired Alex, one of the Bishop O’Dowd students.
“Um, sure, but there’s a spare--” Eby started, but Dylan interrupted her.
“Great! Alex, climb up the side of the house to the window and open it,” he said.
Sidonie, Bruno, Siena, Tae, Lindsay, Eby, Jak and Mori watched in awe as Alex did as Dylan said. With a few reaches of his long arms, Alex ascended the side of the house.
“I’ll get get the key,” Eby declared and sauntered to the front of the house to open the door. By the time the nine students were inside of the house downstairs, Alex was upstairs. He had gotten in through the window! Everyone was astounded at Alex’s accomplishment. The group of friends then went on to have a plethora of fun in the empty house. They cavorted with large cooking knives and window openers (which might have been useful when Alex was trying to climb through the window!) They spent about an hour in the house doing the things that teenagers do, and then strolled down to Tutti Frutti to get frozen yogurt. The perfect ending to a fun and successful day—despite the heat.

The Beginning is the End is the Beginning

Sidonie Osborne
Ms. Souza
English I, Period 1
October 18, 2010


“Shh,” I shushed Lucius, “You have to be quiet or I swear, I swear I’ll leave you here alone.”
“I’m sorry, my love,” he said in a whisper. Lucius looked around and shrugged, “So… have you told your family?”
“No, I cannot. My sister… she would rat us out. She has always been jealous of me. I can’t put you in that kind of danger.”
“You should tell them, Bella, it’s the right thing to do. If I die, as long as it is with you, it will not be in vain.”
Lucius was my best friend, and an all around good man. He made a wonderful husband—even though he wasn’t supposed to be. If someone found out about our marriage, there would be consequences; consequences as serious as death.
It was hot, too hot for my taste, and too late as well. Lucius and I had snuck out to a small marsh near my home for the third night in a row and the late nights had finally started to catch up on me. I struggled to stay awake.
“I’m struggling to stay awake,” I heard myself say, and suddenly my feet were off the ground.
“I’ll carry you home,” Lucius whispered into my ear. He held me with ease, and walked with such a familiar rhythm that I soon found myself waking up to the sound of birds chirping in my room. Once again, this boy had amazed me with his ways.
“Good morning, Bella, how did you sleep?” said my mother as she set out berries to eat. I grunted and my sisters laughed. They were always laughing at me. I was exactly the middle child out of 7 girls, and nothing about being in the middle was good. Either I was too old, or too young. It was always, “no, Bella, you can’t go with your sisters. Wait a few years,” or, “Bella, you’re too old for such childish behavior. You must set an example for the younger ones.”
I was nearly 16, and couldn’t even fathom what things would be like if I was not the one who was blamed for everything in my family. My parents expected a lot of me, which was why I had to hide so much from them.
As much as I loved Lucius, the one thing that bothered me about him was that he had a great home life, which meant that he could never understand what I went through every day. His parents trusted him, and gave him lots of freedom. This could have been because he was a male, but even so, he didn’t understand.
I ate my berries in silence while my mother tried to make conversation with me and my sisters. When I was finished, I went out to meet Lucius. I walked to the Fontana di Trevi next to the piazza dei Crociferi—our usual meeting spot—and threw a coin into the fountain. It was said that if you threw a coin into the fountain you would get a wish, but each time I did it, my wish never came true. Why do I even bother? I wondered to myself. I wish nobody ever finds out about Lucius and my marriage.
I waited on a step in front of the fountain for Lucius. When I saw him approach, I stood and hugged him. He kissed my hand and I smiled. Suddenly I felt a chill, and turned around. There were several people in the plaza, but none I recognized. Nobody’s eyes met mine, so I turned back to Lucius.
“Is something wrong?” he asked with genuine concern.
“No, I just got cold,” I replied, a not genuine answer. Lucius offered his cloak to me, but I declined it. I just wanted to leave the plaza.
We walked around the square for a bit and talked about our marriage and future. We couldn’t be together, it wasn’t allowed, and my dear Lucius was supposed to go off to war soon. The government was knowingly ruining my plans. Not only my plans, but all girls’ plans. By outlawing marriage and sending all men who were able to war, Emperor Claudius II was a terrible tyrant in the eyes of many young girls such as me. Thank the Lord, however, that people such as San Valentino believed in love still.
I felt that chill again and turned around quickly, just in time to catch a stream of long, dark red hair swoosh behind a nearby pillar. I knew instantly who it was.
“We need to go. Now,” I said to Lucius and grabbed his hand, running through the plaza towards his home. I turned back as we were running and saw my sister Aella running in the other direction. I cursed under my breath and tears sprang into my eyes.
When we got to Lucius’ house, his parents were home as well as all of his siblings. They noticed right away that I was upset.
“Isabella, what are you crying about, love?” Lucius’ mother asked me.
“I…” I couldn’t get the words out. “Goodbye,” was all I managed to say, and then I bawled into my hands. I felt as if my tears would never end. It was as if the Fontana di Trevi was coming out of my eyes. When I finally calmed down enough to speak, Lucius’ family was looking at me, waiting for an explanation. I wiped my wet hands on my hand-me-down tunic and told them about how my sister had been following us on our walk. I told them about how it was likely that she had heard us talking about our secret marriage, and that it was even more likely that she was alerting someone of a higher power than us.
No one spoke. We all knew what was coming.
“I need to go home,” I said quietly. Lucius and his family all walked me to my too small house and stood outside while I went inside to see my family one last time.
“Why are your eyes red and puffy?” my favorite sister, Sabia, asked. She was the only one of my sisters who did not hurt me. I hugged her and right on cue, as if in a story, I heard yelling outside, then a group of large strangers barged into our usually safe home. The next thing I felt was unfamiliar hands wrapped around each of my arms, dragging me away from my family. My mother screamed, and my sisters scattered around the house. My father tried to grab me back, but the men holding me were too strong. They were without a doubt soldiers. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks, but I didn’t struggle. Outside, Lucius’ family was all crying and being told to step away, while Lucius was being dragged away just like me. I saw Aella walk into the house and smirk. I couldn’t make out what my family was saying inside.
“You did this?!” my mother screeched loudly enough for it to be heard across the plaza.
“I wanted her horse,” Aella said nonchalantly.
Well you got your wish, hag, I thought and cursed her. I looked at Lucius, our eyes met; his filling with tears much like mine had a short time ago. We were dragged by the heavy soldiers to a dingy building that had only a high beam across the ceiling with ropes hanging down from it and a platform from which we would meet our brutal death. The soldiers bound Lucius and my hands together with rope, as well as our ankles. We were told to stand on the platform. We looked at each other and kissed once as dark bags were placed over each of our heads. Then I felt heavy ropes around my neck.
“I love you,” said Lucius.
“And I love you,” I replied with tears in my eyes.
“Remember when I said that if I died, it would not be in vain as long as it was with you? I still mean that. I am proud of this death, because it is in the name of love.”
I couldn’t breathe, my head was spinning, and my face was soaked with snot and tears. The room was cold, and as far as I could tell, it was dark. It reeked of death and despair. It was as if I could hear the souls of the executed screeching at me, their voices shrill and pained. I sucked in a breath and braced myself. The last thing I heard was the sound of ropes tightening.
I saw my body dangling limply from the beam next to Lucius’s, my shoulder-length, braided, auburn hair poked out from underneath the bag over my head. I suddenly felt something cold next to me. I looked and saw that it was a much more pale and sickly-looking version of Lucius. His brown eyes looked deeply into mine.
“We’re free,” the apparition said. “Free at last.”
I reached for his hand, wondering if I would still be able to feel him in my new form. Everything seemed to glow, and while I knew that this was the end of my human life, it was also the beginning of what I had wanted all along, to spend eternity with my husband whom I died for.

Slim's | Thu. November 18, 2010 - 3OH!3 @ Slim's - 333 11th St., San Francisco, Ca 94103

Slim's | Thu. November 18, 2010 - 3OH!3 @ Slim's - 333 11th St., San Francisco, Ca 94103

SUCK IT.

Kind of Perfect

"Things can't be perfect all the time that I know, sometimes we just have to let some things go..." -Armor for Sleep, Kind of Perfect

To me, this quote means that sometimes in life, even when things suck and we just want to cry, we have to get passed that and smile like we're not dying inside. Everything happens for a reason. We love for a reason, live for a reason, and mostly, hurt for a reason. Why do we hurt? I don't know, but it's for a reason. So many things go on in our lives, and other people have no idea. They call us emotional, or attention seeking, or bitches, or whores, or assholes, or dicks, but really we have our reasons. They might not always be justifiable, because trust me, I don't think anyone ever has the right to be any of those things to someone else, but we all have our days. People need to realize that we're not perfect. Humans, are by design, flawed. Majorly flawed. We all have little things about us that aren't what we'd like them to be. Take me for example; people call me over-emotional, a drama queen, attention-seeking, and every other form of that ALL THE TIME. And yeah, okay, so I may be those things, but I also have reasons for being that way. I can't control it, no matter how much I'd like to.
In life, we have to find people who accept the parts of ourselves that we don't like, or that society doesn't like. We have to fill our lives with these people, let them in, and let them love us. If we do just this, we can live happily and successfully even when things get tough, and we are exactly what other people say we are.
We have to live and let go. We have to learn to let things be water off of our backs, and let people think what they want about us. We should stand up for what's right, be ourselves and never take 'no' for an answer.

"Letting go is my life, I'll be on my way..." -Armor for Sleep, Kind of Perfect

Rules of Life

Good afternoon everyone! While I'm procrastinating doing homework, I just thought I'd do some rainy-day blogging.
So, my Sophomore friend Daniel posted the "Rules of Biking" or something like that from his blog on Facebook, and I was like, hey! Why can't I do that? Not the biking part, of course, cuz I FAIL at riding a bike... (remind me to tell you the story about biking to the YMCA from Sarah & Sofi's house)
Anyways... I think I'm going to make a rules of life blog. So, yeah!
*clears throat* ehem

Rule #1: NEVER date your friends' ex if they had a relationship lasting longer than a month.
Rule #2: Always flush the toilet in other people's houses if you get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, even if you're afraid of waking them up.
Rule #3: Don't tag yourself in your own Facebook pictures, it makes you look trashy and self-centered (even if you're a guy.)
Rule #4: Always tell people when you like them, or have someone else tell them, because more often than not, you waste your time thinking that someone doesn't like you when really they do.
Rule #5: Put leave-in conditioner in your hair before you straighten it, it makes it smell not burnt.
Rule #6: Don't call people before 9 am unless it's an emergency.
Rule #7: Don't "take things slow" in relationships if you feel comfortable with doing things! The physical aspect of a relationship is never "boring," and if you break up in a month (which is really likely as a teenager) you'll still have gotten to do stuff with that person.
Rule #8: TAKE CHANCES.
Rule #9: Always own one pair of underwear that you save for special occasions.
Rule #10: Masturbate

A Running List Of Sidonie's Favorite Things

-69¢ songs on iTunes
-songs about guys loving girls
-Picnik
-the phrase "trippin Pokeballs"
-the accents in The Princess And The Frog
-scary TV shows
-first base
-Never Shout Never (Christofer Drew)